YOU'RE Still Good...

 YOU'RE Still Good...

There I sat in the dimly lit room in the morgue, holding her hand, angry and bitter.  I was so furious. I prayed as hard as I could, then I cursed. I thought I felt warmth coming back into her hand. I wanted that so badly. She died anyway. I cursed her so hard.  I cursed God so much.  This was so wrong. How could this happen, without notice.  It was so sudden, and definitely too soon.  This was not how it was supposed to end.  So abruptly. So unprepared I was.  We'd just spoken two days ago.  No one told me it got complicated.  She never told me it got complicated.  I could have come sooner. I could have dropped everything and come sooner.  It hurt so much, even now it still does.  An entourage met me at the airport, but I didn't think anything of it.  I mean, it was thanksgiving right.  No one said anything about it. But once I opened the apartment door I just knew.  The gut wrenching pain I felt in my stomach, like someone was playing tug of war with my insides. The pull, the tear, the pain. I bellowed so hard.  Somehow I just knew.  She had died, and I let them take me to the morgue to see her.   

It was a normal checkup, a regular checkup.  They made a mistake, and just like that, she's no more.  A simply wrong dosage. A small error, and she was no more. I literally just spoke to her. Why didn't she tell me to change my flight? We'd talked about things we were going to do, like make her perfect tiramisu for thanksgiving, etc...  This was just too much.  The walls came tumbling down. There I stood in a Jericho moment. Have you ever had one of those?  The moment everything that's supposed to be stable, powerful and perfect comes crashing down uncontrollably. Imagine, maybe your:

• Perfect marriage
• Secure family
• Beautiful children
• Super relationship
• Awesome friendship
• Secure job
• Financial security

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You just can't imagine your life otherwise. Especially if it happens suddenly. Death, no matter how anticipated is always painful for those left in the aftermath.  1 Samuel 31 David's best friend Johnathan dies in battle.  He'd been there for David and saved him from his father's wrath on several occasions.  Yet David couldn't save him and it broke his heart tremendously.  Several years later, David's son dies at the hand of God.  He had coveted a man's wife and got her pregnant.  Then he got the man killed to cover it up, and married the man's wife afterwards.  God killed the innocent child. 2 Samuel 12.  Then God sent a prophet with a judgement proposal for David.

2 Samuel 12: 15 - 20

15 After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. 16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth[b] on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.

18 On the seventh day the child died. David’s attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, he wouldn’t listen to us when we spoke to him. How can we now tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.”

19 David noticed that his attendants were whispering among themselves, and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked. “Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”

20 Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

Samuel 24. Again, David sinned by taking a census of his soldiers.  He had forgotten that his victories were not as a result of his army, but God's power.  He was taking the glory for himself.  God is a jealous God.  Exodus 34.  David had done something that God did not authorize.  Be careful not to do those things.  Especially when you come into power, stay humble.  Only God deserves the praise. 

Proverbs 21:1

The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will. Every way of a man is right in his own.

John 19 During HIS trial, Jesus told Pilate , "You would have no power over me at all unless it were given you from above". This is a reminder that all earthly power and authority is permitted by God. Jesus voluntarily submitted to his crucifixion as part of a divine plan, not because of the inherent authority held by Pilate.  Despite our errors, God understands that we're HIS children.  As a father, HE gently guides us by the leading of the Holy Spirit.  Especially when we hurt, we need to maintain an attitude of submission.  This is learnt.  When we come to realize God's love and affection towards us, inspite of ourselves.  Sometimes our wounds can lead us into dark spaces.  Even when HE punishes us like David, HIS arms are always open towards us.  HIS arms are always ready to craddle us.  Romans 5.

Romans 8:32 

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"

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Not until you've been backed into a dark space like the prodigal son in the pig's pen.  When you realize that your own efforts caused you to choose wrongly.  When you understand that you are powerless to make it right.  Then you will begin to appreciate God's unconditional fatherly love for you.   As HIS child, you'll allow yourself to experience HIS eyes searching for you; HIS arms waiting for you, and HIS wealth ready to enfold and smother you with HIS honest affection.  God isn't fickle.  Sure HE punishes us. But that's just a very small part of the process.  Our father in heaven, inhabits our praises.  Like David worship HIM.  After David's son died he chose to worship God.  This is the remedy.

When my sister died, I ran so far and hard.  But HE waited.  And everywhere I turned I kept hearing this song in my head: 

I Trust YOU Lord..

 

I had a Jericho moment. It's one of the hardest things I've ever encountered. Over the years, Our Father God has proven HIS faithfulness to me, over and over again. Sometimes I ran off like the Prodigal son Luke 15. And sure enough, there HE was looking out, and waiting with open arms. Sometimes, God chases you.  HE waits patiently in the background for you to wake up.  Love forgives without condemnation.   There are consequences, but it's just a part of the process.  The goal is reconciliation.  Sometimes like Job, my friends have accused me of things they don't understand. Job 4. Another Jericho moment. People are people! And Life is lifing! Jericho moments are the ebb and flow of it all. The only thing constant is the love of Our Heavenly Father towards us. No matter how many times we get it wrong, HE'S still good. HE'S still the most loving encounter we'll ever experience in our lifetime. Today, as I stand in yet another Jericho moment, I'm not running away. Instead, I've learnt to seek HIS embrace. It's safe, it's peaceful and it's rejuvenating. Are you hurting? What have you lost? What do you feel powerless to change or save? If you do, know this, HE forgives! HE heals! HE resurrects! HE'S the G.O.A.T. on restoration. Ask David, ask Paul. Better yet ask Jesus.

Romans 8:1

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

After over 30 years of a relationship.  My testimony is... HE'S STILL GOOD! 

Let HIM show you!