YOU'RE Still Good...
There I sat in the dimly lit room in the morgue, holding her hand, angry and bitter. I was so furious. I thought I felt warmth coming back into her hand. I wanted that so badly. She died anyway. I prayed as hard as I could, then I cursed. I cursed her so hard. I cursed God so much. This was so wrong. How could this happen, without notice. It was so sudden, and definitely too soon. This was not how it was supposed to end. So abruptly. So unprepared I was. We'd just spoken two days ago. No one told me it got complicated. She never told me it got complicated. I could have come sooner. I could have dropped everything and come sooner. It hurt so much, even now it still does. An entourage met me at the airport, but I didn't think anything of it. I mean, it was thanksgiving right. No one said anything about it. But once I opened the apartment door I just knew. The gut wrenching pain I felt in my stomach, like someone was playing tug of war with my insides. The pull, the tear, the pain. I bellowed so hard. Somehow I just knew. I sensed that she had died, and I let them take me to the morgue to see her.
It was a normal checkup, a regular checkup. They made a mistake, and just like that, she's no more. A simply wrong dosage. A small error, and she was no more. I literally just spoke to her. Why didn't she tell me to change my flight? We'd talked about things we were going to do, like make her perfect tiramisu for thanksgiving, etc... This was just too much. The walls came tumbling down. There I stood in a Jericho moment. Have you ever had one of those? The moment everything that's supposed to be stable, powerful and perfect comes crashing down uncontrollably. Imagine, maybe your:
- Perfect marriage
- Secure family
- Beautiful children
- Super relationship
- Awesome friendship
- Secure job
- Financial security
15 After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. 16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.
18 On the seventh day the child died. David’s attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, he wouldn’t listen to us when we spoke to him. How can we now tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.”
19 David noticed that his attendants were whispering among themselves, and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked. “Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”
20 Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.
The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will. Every way of a man is right in his own.
I had a Jericho moment. It's one of the hardest things I've ever encountered. Over the years, Our Father God has proven HIS faithfulness to me, over and over again. Sometimes I ran off like the Prodigal son Luke 15. And sure enough, there HE was looking out, and waiting with open arms. Sometimes, God chases you. HE waits patiently in the background for you to wake up. Love forgives without condemnation. There are consequences, but it's just a part of the process. The goal is reconciliation. Sometimes like Job, my friends have accused me of things they don't understand. Job 4. Another Jericho moment. People are people! And Life is lifing! Jericho moments are the ebb and flow of it all. The only thing constant is the love of Our Heavenly Father towards us. No matter how many times we get it wrong, HE'S still good. HE'S still the most loving encounter we'll ever experience in our lifetime. Today, as I stand in yet another Jericho moment, I'm not running away. Instead, I've learnt to seek HIS embrace. It's safe, it's peaceful and it's rejuvenating. Are you hurting? What have you lost? What do you feel powerless to change or save? If you do, know this, HE forgives! HE heals! HE resurrects! HE'S the G.O.A.T. on restoration. Ask David, ask Paul. Better yet ask Jesus.
Romans 8:1
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
